As a Santa Barbara based boudoir photographer, you would think that I have always embraced my sexy side. But, after I had my son 4 years ago, I found it really hard to feel sexy in my skin.

I’m so grateful for the amazing life my body created, sustained, birthed and nourished. And, I am grateful for my health and strength. But there’s a part of me that winces at the changes in my post baby body and maybe you can relate. When I look at current photos of myself, I see all the ways my body & looks have changed.  The image I see in recent photos no longer reflects the old picture I have of myself in my head. 

And as a result I often hate being in photos (yes, me, the photographer who knows how important it is to exist in photos)!

Can you relate? I bet you can because my clients are always so worried they won’t look good in photographs too! It can be hard to embrace the new, older, rounder me and still feel beautiful… and it can be even harder to feel sexy in my new bod!

Feeling sexy isn’t about pleasing a partner but a self-confidence that we find in ourselves.

For me feeling sexy has always been a state of mind. A inner confidence in your body and beauty that projects outward and attracts people to you. It’s an energy of sensuality and enjoyment of yourself and enjoyment of life. Sexy is not about wearing skimpy clothing and it may not even be about sex. To me a sexy woman is an empowered woman.

My 5 Step Guide To Feel Sexy After Motherhood

How do you get back into that sexy state of mind when you are feeling blah about yourself? Here are 5 of my favorite ways to get your sexy back.

  1. Listen to music that makes you feel hot! Music is such a mood changer for me and can definitely put me in a certain state of mind. I’d recommend making a playlist on your phone of 20 or so songs that really make you feel yourself. Songs that make you want to say your hips and roll your shoulders and hold your head up high!

Some of my favorites are:

    • Prince
    • Lady Gaga
    • Beyonce
    • Rhianna

I also have a sexy playlist that gives me life. It includes jazzy covers of songs (Post Modern Jukebox), songs from Fosse musicals (Mein Herr from Cabaret), hip hop, pop and anything that make me want to strut my stuff!

Any tune that gets you walking around your house like a queen is perfect so channel your inner RuPaul and feel that sexy confidence! You can grab my sexy spotify playlist here.

2. Take a pole or burlesque dance class! I am taking classes at Seventh Dimension Dance here in Santa Barbara and they do both pole and burlesque classes. It’s a super fun, non judgment space. It took me 2 months to work up the nerve to take a class there because I was terrified of looking silly or being judged. If I do look silly, the instructors are kind enough to make me feel like I look like a bad-ass and am rocking it! Ha! I know there is a lot of stigma around pole dancing but honestly not only is it a killer workout, it’s hard not to feel completely sexy when you are tossing your hair back and twirling your hips. It’s a rush of confidence and it is kind of addicting. Burlesque is also totally fun too! Classes are about $25 each and I recommend bringing a girlfriend for an extra cheerleader, and someone to laugh with along the way!

3. Have a Sensory Play Day. The root of the word “sensual” actually derives from using our senses. And although the idea of being sensual can sometimes makes us blush, it’s really about taking satisfaction in different sensory experiences that can be completely non sexual. It’s so fun to indulge in a self care day of sensory experiences which can include– going to a botanical garden to see beautiful flowers and smell them in the air, to go see art, to take a dip in the ocean or a hot tub or pool, to get a massage, to eat an amazing meal, to listen to nature or your favorite music. Really explore all 5 of your senses as much as possible in one day. You will be amazed at what you awaken inside of you when you give your focus to full and complete enjoyment of all of your senses.

4. Wear Red. Red is a very bold color and one that is not in most people’s comfort zone but it is the color of passion, and is very much associated with feeling sexy. It’s bold and attention grabbing and when you wear it asks people to see you. Now when I say wear red it doesn’t mean you have to go full red dress on me (although I have two very sexy red gowns in my collection). You could do red lipstick, or maybe red nails, or even those very famous and very sexy red soled shoes! However you rock red is up to you. But embrace that color more and see what energy opens up for you as you wear it!

5. Have A Photoshoot! While many women I photograph are nervous about how they’ll look on film, I love seeing their joy when they can see themselves as beautiful. Even if our post-mom bodies are not the same, a photoshoot that captures your gorgeous spirit and confidence and sexyness does wonders for inner strength. Even the most nervous client leaves the studio with an extra pep in their step. When I had my professional portraits done, I had the same experience, there’s just something about getting your hair & make up professionally done, wearing really pretty things and getting real time feedback from your photographer that improves confidence.

A great photographer will guide you to hit each pose so you feel strong and tall, sexy and beautiful and the prints you take home are a continuing reminder of that moment. A photoshoot is an experience that keeps giving. My clients tell me they love looking at their prints often because it reminds them just how fabulous they are!

Here’s a look at some of our fabulous clients owning their sexy!


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Get out there and test out these tricks to reconnect with your sexy side! Share in a comment what you’re going to try this week and if you’d like to begin the process of booking a shoot, you can do so HERE.